The Fifth Commandment, “Thou shalt honour thy father and thy mother,” is a fundamental principle of ethical guidance in various cultures and traditions. It is based on the teachings of the Torah and highlights the significant value of respecting and treasuring our parents across generations.

First Teachers

Our journey into the world begins under the guidance of our parents, who are our first teachers. They impart invaluable wisdom and shape our understanding of life. My teacher, Yehudis Golshevsky, recently delivered a heartfelt talk on honouring one’s parents, coinciding with her father’s passing anniversary. In Jewish tradition, this moment, known as yahrtzeit, prompts reflections on the enduring impact of parental influence and the lessons gleaned from the Torah.

Emotional Complexity

Rebbetzin Golshevsky discusses the challenges of honouring one’s parents, as emphasized by the sages of the Talmud. This commandment can be complicated because we often have little control over the family and historical circumstances in which we are born. Many individuals may wish for a different upbringing or different parents.

According to Halacha, the real struggle of honouring parents lies within our thoughts and attitudes, requiring deep introspection. The medieval Jewish scholar Ibn Ezra stresses that feelings towards parents can remain intense and become consuming in adulthood. This emotional intensity may obscure the profound debt we owe to our biological parents, making it unfortunate that attaining the necessary insight to show proper respect often takes considerable time for many individuals.

Digital Tributes

During her talk, Rebbetzin Golshevsky shares the story of her journey with her father and the significant changes they went through together. She emphasizes how their relationship evolved over time. In a poignant moment, she talks about her father’s wish to have specific songs played at his yahrtzeit as he nears the end of his life. Little did he know that this commemoration would take place over Zoom during a pandemic. Surprisingly, his friend Michael, who was in Jerusalem, played his favourite songs on the piano – Gershwin’s “Autumn Leaves” and Ray Charles’s “You Don’t Know Me.” The musical tribute starts at the 45:14-minute mark, and you can view it here.

This year has been challenging, especially with the pandemic, but my family found comfort and strength through Zoom. We came together virtually to honour the yahrzeits of my beloved parents, Esther Edith (Z’l) and Eliezer Leslie (Z’l). This emotional gathering reminded us of their lasting influence and created a beautiful tapestry of memories and celebrations online.

In this space, we brought to life my parents’ vibrant spirits, shared cherished memories and stories, and ensured that their legacies continue to shine for generations. The next generation saw the remarkable individuals who shaped their journey through our stories.

Looking back, I remember my mother Esther Edith’s witty declaration during our Passover seders: “If not for me, none of you would be here!” She always said it with playful wisdom, filling the room with laughter and love. These virtual commemorations stand as monuments to their memory, offering a timeless way to preserve and pass down the essence of our family’s story to those who will tread the path after us.

Our parents are our first teachers, guiding us through the complexities of life. By showing reverence and appreciation towards them, we express our gratitude for their unwavering love and preserve the valuable lessons they have taught us. In doing so, we maintain the essence of our family’s heritage for generations to come.